I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
