Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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