I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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