Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
