Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
