just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
