i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
