I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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