Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
