Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
