why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
