Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
