did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
