My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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