Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
