My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
