I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
