He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
