I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
