i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
