dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate all girls vehemently.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
