sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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