see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
