My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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