i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
