in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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