I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
