Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
