who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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