I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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