I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
