yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
