I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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