I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
