just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
