Need sex. Gaining weight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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