I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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