im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
false alarm, still single
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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