she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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