Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
