ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
