If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
