is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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