Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
