I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
