sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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