cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
