That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
