I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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