"it" just moved
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
