I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
